Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. It's not like I fall in love with every man I see, but I would be very interested to see how many "amens" I can get from girls who have experienced this instant connection with the cashier and immediately envisioned his elaborate, half-time show proposal and beneath-the-oak-tree wedding and weirdly specific T Swift first dance song choice and first family picture and 10 year anniversary vacation to San Francisco. I think it's like when dudes fantasize about girls, except that everyone has their clothes on and are playing catch in the front yard with my blue-eyed twins. Not that that's any more normal - in fact I think the naked version makes more sense and is eons less creepy.
But let's move a step beyond creepy fantasies about strangers. I am the prom queen of reading too far into things that don't exist... or might have the potential to exist if I would resist the urge to suffocate it with my hyper flirting and pauseless giggles. I mean, one time this drunk lawyer spent the evening flirting with me and begging me to come stay with him and some friends in Houston for a week because he couldn't bear the thought of parting with me. And I actually went. And obviously it was the worst couple of days I have ever endured. Because ladies, drunk lawyers aren't in a state of mind to offer lifelong and romantic promises. Thanks, now you tell me. (oh wait, my best friends did.)
One time, my friend challenged me to make a list of all the boys I'd ever had a crush on, because I was always updating her on my new Romeo. She probably thought she could spend the next few hours poking fun at my list of 3 or 4 dozen names... not realizing that my actual list would top 100. And that's just counting the ones I've liked for at least three days. Hello, my name is Laura, and I'm addicted to the Duck Butt game.
What's the Duck Butt game? I've always known that my imagination caused major problems for my romantic heart and constantly-unfulfilled expectations, but didn't know what to do. And then I went to an amusement park and saw the Duck Butt game. You know the one I'm talking about? There are a bunch of yellow duckies swimming in a pail of water, and you get three tries to choose the ducky with the winning number on its butt, or four tries for an extra $2.50. And it dawned on me that that's the way I've always thought of finding "the One."
Larry Crabb wrote this excellent book called Connecting. I found it so excellent that it took me 6 months to finish, which is saying something because I speed read and can blaze through The Return of the King in one three-day weekend. I felt like I needed to stop and process every three or four pages. When I was reading it, I had forgotten about my Duck Butt Revelation until I came across this paragraph: