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In that delicate state...



... between awake and asleep, one must be gentle with oneself.
It is those vulnerable moments when one must carefully sort through one's dreams, and decide what is real and what is not... or more importantly, what was a dreamed metaphor of what is real.

Sometimes one is more in the asleep realm, and can replay the most recent dreams, quickly shifting through images and scenes, or honing in on one portion and experiencing it in slow motion over and over and over and over. As the eyes drag themselves open to check the clock, relief washes over them as they realize they have a few more minutes to rest and replay. 
   
Sometimes one is more in the awake realm, and can have logical conversations with oneself. "Why did I dream about that?" 
"That's a ridiculous situation." 
"O, if only real life happened that way."
"I must be secretly concerned with that."
"Was that a metaphor for my real feelings?"
[Sidenote: Thinking in terms of metaphors are helpful in interpreting dreams... but in that delicate state, it is too early to think in those terms.]

In that delicate state between awake and asleep, one has no sense of time. A perceived minute could actually be forty five. This is a glorious sensation in the summertime.

The worst part about this state is that it eventually must end. Whether one has to force oneself out of it or one's body simply wakes up, it is always over before it should be.
Why?
Because one can convince oneself of almost anything in that state. 
An example from this morning:
"I must be awfully sunburned, and those cats are getting on my nerves."


Insert Witty Title Here


Guys, this is the worst! I don't know how to blog.
Lbog.
Blgo.
Glbo.
Olgb.
I can journal. I have seven (7) of them, the first (1st) dating back to 2004. No problemo. When you journal, you can write freely, not paying attention to grammar, spelling, or syntax. You can doodle on the page or draw an arrow to an asterisked* remark. It's great.
Blogging, on the other hand, is different.
At least I think it is.
I've always been very intimidated by bloggers. I mean, they wear crazy scarves and drink americanos and have nose rings and ride their bikes everywhere... and then blog about it!
What does "blog" even mean?!!?
Let's consult the experts, shall we?
1. Dictionary.com
"an online diary; a personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page; typically updated daily."
Yikes. A daily update!? Personal!?
2. Answers.com (sounds promising)
"A blog is often a mixture of what's happening in a person's life and what's happening on the Web, a kind of hybrid diary/guide site..."
Now I have to keep up with my own life and the web!?
3. Wikipedia
There is a plethora to be learned from this site, but the most confusing/amusing terms to be gleaned are "bloghood," "blogosphere," & "vlog."
Oh dear. In addition to my nose ring and accelerated caffeine intake, I now have to sell my soul to Blogger, constantly updating my site with artsy pictures, unknown quotes, and ambiguously poignant observations on society, politics, commonly-held beliefs, and my soul... in a word, creative!
Well, due to my limited amount of creativity, this blog could very well turn into that great pair of wacky sunglasses that was purchased by the awkward, greasy video-gamer who was trying to look like her hipster next-door neighbor.
We'll see!

"Hope"

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Earlier this year I googled "hope," and this image popped onto the screen. Ironic? If I had been in control of this image's placement and what word triggered its discovery, I would have labeled it "depressing." After all, what could be more depressing than to be a simple, yellow ducky sitting alone on a desolate rock?


I can identify. Our culture exalts and hopes in singleness. "To be single is to be strong!" we cry, scoffing at those who "tie themselves down" with marriage and eternal vows. And if two people do decide to marry, "by all means, keep yourselves financially independent, in case some thing happens." Liberating, isn't it?
While I think this notion is ridiculous, I have certainly bought into it. Due to recent events, I am now single. At first I thought, "Wow, what a great opportunity to learn more about myself, my friends, what I need, and my relationship with God. I'll prove to everyone that I'm strong enough to stay single" (I haven't been single in nearly 3 years). As if singleness = holiness, I marched on, determined to "stick it to the Man" (whoever that is?), so to speak.
What I've since discovered is that being single is not a sign of strength. Yes, God has taught me many things in the past two months that I don't think I could have learned whilst in a relationship. However, being single does not mean that a pandora box is suddenly opened, the Secrets of Living and Loving Deeply are released, and one becomes highly transcendent. Laugh if you will, but that's what I thought would happen.
We have been created to be relational. I believe God has created most of us to desire an eternal with not only a spouse, but with Himself. After all, marriage is the ultimate picture of the perfect consummation of Christ and His church. Look at Adam! He was physically, mentally, and emotionally perfect and had a beautiful, uninterrupted, personal relationship with his Creator, but still longed for human filling. He didn't need it, but he greatly desired it. God's answer? Not "To be single is to be holy! Press on alone!" No, Adam's loving Protector and Provider created a wife, perfectly suited to his needs and desires.
I'm not saying that anyone should writhe in singleness and make their only goal finding a spouse. I am now going to fill that "single" void with a perfect Mate: my Creator.
The 3rd stanza of "Be Still My Soul" has been a huge encouragement to me recently.:
Be still, my soul:
when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened
in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know
His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe
thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul:
thy
Jesus can repay
From His own fullness
all He takes away