I may be going crazy.
My every thought is saturated with unknowns...
Where will I live next semester?
What will I major in?
How will I pay for it?
As I browse the source of every undergrad's angst, I am baffled and overwhelmed.
I like a lot of things. How am I supposed to choose just one to devote another 2.5 (maybe 3 or more) years of my life? People keep asking me the same question:
"WHAT ARE YOUR PRIORITIES?"
Well, ok. Here they are:
1. Spend a lifetime deepening my relationship with the Trinity.
2. Be in active ministry here in the States. At present, I believe this may involve music. Regardless, I want to be a relational missionary to non-Christians here, in whatever form the Lord leads.
3. Get married and spend a lifetime deepening my relationship with my spouse.
4. Become a mother, and be the best and most devoted mother I can be.
5. Pursue and deepen my gift for music, and use it in the ministry that God provides. Always keep music a part of my life.
This list has 5 numbers. It has had 5 numbers for quite some time. Music has always been #5. I don't think it should ever be higher on the list.
And so we reach the paradox. I am in a time of life when my #5 priority must become my #1. If you've had even half of a conversation with me about this topic then you have heard me explain that to be a music student at the University of Oklahoma, one must be 100% committed. It is not merely a degree path, it is a lifestyle. I love music dearly, yet I cannot dedicate my entirety to it. My voice teacher literally worships music (really), and recently explained to me that in order to really rise above the other students and mediocrity, I must also give myself over to music and worship it, as it deserves.
Blasphemy.
I have been studying the jealousy of God recently, and am daily astonished at the seriousness of the Lord's burning desire for our entirety.
The question(s)?
Is music, at this point in my life as a degree choice, a means or an end? And depending either way on the answer, how much time, thought, energy, sweat, toil, and dedication does it deserve? How much is too much?
If I decide to pull out of the music program, then what do I major in? How will I finance it (my scholarships are almost entirely from the music school)?
Is my frustration an indication that it is time to lay music on the altar, or just cut back on hours and plod longer on with the hope of a rewarding career?
Well, idk, my bff jill. You'll be the first to know.
My every thought is saturated with unknowns...
Where will I live next semester?
What will I major in?
How will I pay for it?
As I browse the source of every undergrad's angst, I am baffled and overwhelmed.
I like a lot of things. How am I supposed to choose just one to devote another 2.5 (maybe 3 or more) years of my life? People keep asking me the same question:
"WHAT ARE YOUR PRIORITIES?"
Well, ok. Here they are:
1. Spend a lifetime deepening my relationship with the Trinity.
2. Be in active ministry here in the States. At present, I believe this may involve music. Regardless, I want to be a relational missionary to non-Christians here, in whatever form the Lord leads.
3. Get married and spend a lifetime deepening my relationship with my spouse.
4. Become a mother, and be the best and most devoted mother I can be.
5. Pursue and deepen my gift for music, and use it in the ministry that God provides. Always keep music a part of my life.
This list has 5 numbers. It has had 5 numbers for quite some time. Music has always been #5. I don't think it should ever be higher on the list.
And so we reach the paradox. I am in a time of life when my #5 priority must become my #1. If you've had even half of a conversation with me about this topic then you have heard me explain that to be a music student at the University of Oklahoma, one must be 100% committed. It is not merely a degree path, it is a lifestyle. I love music dearly, yet I cannot dedicate my entirety to it. My voice teacher literally worships music (really), and recently explained to me that in order to really rise above the other students and mediocrity, I must also give myself over to music and worship it, as it deserves.
Blasphemy.
I have been studying the jealousy of God recently, and am daily astonished at the seriousness of the Lord's burning desire for our entirety.
The question(s)?
Is music, at this point in my life as a degree choice, a means or an end? And depending either way on the answer, how much time, thought, energy, sweat, toil, and dedication does it deserve? How much is too much?
If I decide to pull out of the music program, then what do I major in? How will I finance it (my scholarships are almost entirely from the music school)?
Is my frustration an indication that it is time to lay music on the altar, or just cut back on hours and plod longer on with the hope of a rewarding career?
Well, idk, my bff jill. You'll be the first to know.
